November 14, 2007 Dating and Single Parents: Challenges Met Along the Way
Dating and Single Parents: Challenges Met Along the Way
By Judy Porter
Whether you’re a fifteen-year-old girl who’s out on her first date ever with the boy next door, or a forty-year-old single dad of three kids who’s out on his first date with a friend’s coworker three years after a painful divorce, dating poses a lot of challenges that need to be overcome before it can be exciting, as it is should be. However, the challenges for single parents are undeniably greater, but this shouldn’t deter you from testing the waters. Overcoming the challenges is part of the fun, and the first step is identifying what they are so that you wouldn’t be caught off-guard. For your quick reference, here’s a list:
1.) Your children are resistant to the idea of you dating. You want to go out on dates, but your kids want the exact opposite. The best thing you can do is to have a heart-to-heart talk with them. Help them realize that although you’re planning to let someone else into your lives, they’re still and always be your top priority.
2.) You don’t have time to go on dates. Even though this may be true for some people, for most, it is merely an excuse. You can squeeze in time for dating if you’ve completely opened yourself up to the idea. For one weekend, hire a trusted babysitter or ask a close friend to look after your kids. For once in your life, make time for yourself.
3.) You don’t know where to find dating prospects. You finally decided to try out dating, but you don’t have anyone in mind. It’s time to join organizations and clubs that focus on your hobbies and interests. By building your social network, you are also increasing your pool of possible dating partners.
4.) You think that not a lot of people would want to go out with someone who has excess baggage. You’re not very excited about dating primarily because you think your children are perceived by many others as an unwanted complication. Though that may be true for some people, but for others, they just don’t care if you have kids. The one thing they care about is whether or not you’re compatible with them.
5.) You want to protect your children. You meet a wonderful person, but deep down you wonder if what you see is what you get. Don’t worry, you’re not paranoid. Stories of sexual predators and physical abusers may not happen everyday, but they do occur. To make sure that your kids are safe from shady personalities, get to thoroughly know the person you’re going out with before you let your kids get too close.
6.) You’re afraid to get your children emotionally involved. You’re worried that if you get hurt, your children will be hurt, too. This is one thing that’s hard to avoid, because as their parent, your kids can pick up if you’re feeling miserable. However, you can help lessen the pain in the first place by keeping your private life away from your kids’ eyes. They may know who you’re going out with, but they don’t have to know details about arguments and fights.
7.) You don’t want to be a serial dater. In the quest of finding someone you truly like, you may end up going from one person to the other if no one meets the standards you have set. Although for you this is just part of the process of finding someone worthy, you’re worried that you’re not setting up a good example for your children if you’re perceived as a serial dater. Again, talking to your kids regarding the matter helps a lot. Being discreet about your personal life also helps, too.
These seven challenges are just a few of what you will encounter once you start dating again. As you’ve noticed, most of them involve your children. This should come as no surprise to you, because you know that your kids will always be your concern. To make things easy for you, make sure that your relationship with your children is a solid one with a good foundation. If you’re a great parent to them, your kids will be more supportive of you.
Judy Porter, contributing writer for www.parentfishing.com, a free online dating service for single parents. Dating as a single parent was only easy on The Brady Bunch. At ParentFishing.com, we make it easier by bringing together singles moms with single dads who know what it takes to date with a family. Find your partner here.
